Modesty – The Key to a Solid Marriage
I was once invited to the chanukat habayit of a wealthy Jew from France. His home was essentially a mansion, furnished with every type of materialistic pleasure imaginable. Each room bespoke opulence, beginning with the crystal chandeliers and expensive utensils, and ending with the outdoor private pool. In addition to the impressive chanukat habayit, the man had planned on finishing the writing of a new Sefer Torah and hosting a hachnasat Sefer Torah from his home to the local Beit Hakeneset.
- Writing a letter in a Sefer Torah
I arrived at his home at the appointed time. I had brought the Sefer Torah along with me. Suddenly, my eyes alighted upon an immodest sculpture of a woman, built into the wall of the house. I immediately shouted for the master of the house. In a trembling voice, I informed him that it is a Torah prohibition to make a statue of any kind. We were told at Har Sinai, “You shall not make for yourself a carved image nor any likeness of that which is in the heavens above or on the earth below or in the water beneath the earth” (Shemot 20:4). How could he house such an immodest image? I ordered him to have it removed on the spot. How in the world did he imagine finishing the writing of a holy Torah Scroll in such an environment?
At my demand, the man claimed it was his wife who had insisted they have such a figurine on display. All of his previous persuasions to remove it were met with refusal. I asked him to explain to her the severe prohibition involved with it, and to add that I personally demanded the removal of this abomination. With unabashed anger, the woman told her husband that she saw absolutely nothing wrong with this statuette. She flatly refused to remove it from its place of prominence.
At a loss, the man of the house turned to me and said, “Honored Rav, if I fight with my wife over this issue, it’ll cause a rift in our marriage. B’ezrat Hashem, in the upcoming days, I will do my utmost to convince her to remove the statue. But I beg of you, please do not cancel the chanukat habayit and hachnasat Sefer Torah ceremonies on account of it.”
In spite of all my good intentions, I could not allow a Sefer Torah to be brought into the same room as such an atrocity. I asked that at least it should be covered with some sort of sheet. If not, I would be forced to leave. Despite his wife’s murmurings, the man of the house did as I instructed.
Upon observing his wife’s reaction, I felt I had to speak up for the honor of the Torah. I turned to the man, and said, loud enough for her to hear, “If your wife could behave so brazenly toward a holy Torah Scroll and toward those who uphold its honor, all in the name of an abhorrent statue, there is something rotten at the core of her purity. I am terribly sorry to say, but I see no future for such a home.”
The man was very shaken by my words and asked for an explanation. But I just kept my peace, saying only that time would tell.
Weeks passed. The man had to take a business trip to China for a few days. He said good bye to his wife and children and went off. But after the plane took off, there was serious engine trouble. The plane had to return to the airport. The flight was delayed for the next day, and the passengers were given rooms at a nearby hotel. The man lived relatively close to the airport. “Why should I stay here overnight?” he thought. “Let me spend the night at home, with my wife and children. I will return tomorrow morning.” He decided to surprise his family with his return.
Upon arriving home, he understood my previous prediction that he had no future with his wife. He immediately notified her that their marriage was a thing of the past. He realized that Heaven ordained for the plane to have engine trouble mid-flight, so that he could discover her infidelity.
After a long period of time, in which he suffered untold difficulties from his wayward wife, he finally divorced her. Sometime later, when he visited me on a trip to Nice, I introduced him to a suitable lady. They were married some months later.
Unfortunately, this marriage, too, did not last long. It was not based on the dictates of Torah and tzeniut. Whenever I meet this man, he bemoans his losses by saying, “What a shame that I did not build my home on the tenets of purity and modesty.”
