“You will know that your tent is at peace” (Iyov 5:24)
This pasuk is referring to one who loves his wife and honors her more than himself (Yevamot 65b).
“Be among the pupils of Aharon, loving peace and pursuing peace” (Avot 1:12)
Rashi explains: A man would tell his wife, “I will not be appeased until you spit into the eye of the Kohen Gadol.” When Aharon heard about this, he would approach the woman and say, “I have a problem with my eye. Please spit into it in order to heal it.” And she would, thereby restoring her marital harmony.
Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says, “Whoever invites peace into his home is considered as inviting peace into the entire nation. And whoever invites jealousy and discord into his home is considered as inviting jealousy and discord among the entire nation. This is because every person is king over his household” (Avot d’Rabbi Natan 28:3).
A home which houses contention will eventually be destroyed (Derech Eretz 9).
Rabbi Yishmael says, “Great is peace, for Hashem overlooked the honor to His Name written in sanctity, by allowing it to be erased in the Sotah waters. This was in order to restore peace between man and wife” (Derech Eretz Zuta 11).
One of the Sages said, “I have never called my wife my wife, but, my home” (Shabbat 25b). Rashi explains, “Because she is the essence of the home.”
The woman is the essence of the home (Rashi).
One who pursues peace is ensured that his prayers are always answered (Yevamot 65b). The Gemara states (Sotah 17a): Rabbi Akiva said, “If man and wife merit, the Shechinah rests among them. (Hashem divided His Name י-ה, among them, placing the י' in the name איש, and the ה' in the name אשה.) But if they do not merit, a fire consumes them. (Without the letters י' and ה', the words spell אש – fire.)
“It is not good for man to be alone.” It is not fitting for man to be like the beast, which does not designate one female for a specific male. (This is because male and female animals were created separately, as opposed to people, who were created originally as one.) For this reason it is appropriate for man to love his wife like himself and take pity on and protect her like he would a limb of his own body. Similarly, a woman is required to exert herself on behalf of her husband and love him like she loves herself, for she was taken from him (Ra’avad, Ba’alei Hanefesh, Introduction).
The way to prevent quarrels in the home is to not be particular with every expense down to the last penny (Pele Yoetz, Chapter on Love).
One is obligated to demonstrate a tremendous amount of love toward his spouse. It goes without saying that one should never accustom himself to quarrel on Erev Shabbat. Proper conduct draws the light and sanctity of the Shechinah into one’s home (Bach 280).
A woman must always cherish her husband. He is her portion and her mazal. The onion he gives her should be more precious to her than a thousand walnuts and almonds. She should eat the bread he provides her with more love than a dish of peaches. She should enjoy his simple vegetables more than quinces and sweet apples (Ben Ish Chai, Chukei HaNashim pg. 42).
The husband should value his wife as highly as he values himself; and the wife should value her husband as highly as she values herself (Shevet Mussar 24).
