A Happy Wife – A Happy Life
A man morosely related that he did not find enjoyment in Torah study. It had unfortunately become a burden on him, rachmana litzlan. When I heard this, I asked, “Do you respect your wife? Do you buy her presents occasionally? Do you offer assistance on Erev Shabbat? Do you help with raising the children?”
“Honored Rav, all week long, I am bogged down with my business. I have no time to get involved in child-rearing. I certainly have no time for helping around the house!”
“What about Shabbat?” I pressed on. “On Shabbat, you don’t work. That is when you have free time to spend with your family. Do you relate to your family then? Do you provide a listening ear and a loving, supportive figure for them on that day?”
The man merely shook his head. “Friday night, immediately after the meal, I collapse into bed without talking to anyone. I am dead tired from the workweek. I am not capable of hearing anyone’s stories.”
“If that is the case, don’t even expect to find fulfillment in your Torah study. Torah is like a man’s second wife. But if he doesn’t even bother making his first wife happy, Hashem will not afford him the chance to find pleasure with this second one.”
I added the well-known saying of Chazal that Hashem placed the letter י' of His Name ((י-ה in the name of man (איש) and the letter ה' of His Name in the name of woman ((אשה. Together, they produce the Shechinah. When a man does not concern himself with preserving the Shechinah between himself and his wife by increasing love and harmony between them, the Shechinah takes leave of his home. Lacking the vital aspect of siyata di’Shemaya, one’s mind and heart become stuffed, and he is not capable of absorbing words of Torah or taking pleasure in its study.
One who wishes to gain the maximum from his Torah study would do well to ensure that he provides his wife with her needs. He should offer her emotional gratification as well as occasional gifts or whatever he feels would make her happy.
By increasing the Shechinah between them, he will merit blessing and success in his studies.
