“Train the youth according to his way; even when he grows old, he will not deviate from it” (Mishlei 22:6)
The Gra says that it is impossible to change a person’s destiny, or break his nature. What is placed within a person’s power is the ability to channel his nature in the direction he chooses. He can decide whether he will be a tzaddik, a rasha, or somewhere in the middle.
The Gra continues with an example of our Sages (Shabbat 156a): One who was born under the sign of bloodshed will kill. Rabbi Ashi avers that such a person will either be a blood-letter, a bandit, a shochet, or a mohel. If he is righteous, he will use his innate tendency toward bloodshed for a mitzvah and become a mohel. If he is average, he will be a shochet or a blood-letter, engaging in vocations which are neutral. But if he is wicked, he will employ his predisposition for blood in order to murder.
It is therefore incumbent upon parents to educate their child according to his disposition, guiding him to use his inborn tendencies for positive pastimes, such as learning Torah and keeping mitzvot, in the way most suited for him. When he grows older, he will continue in these worthwhile pursuits.
But if a child is forced into a mold, against his natural inclinations, he will at first obey his parent’s instructions, out of fear. But later on, when the yoke of his parents is removed, he will deviate from that path, for it is impossible for a person to deny his inherent nature.
Our Sages teach that one who can shake the four species, wear tzitzit, or take care of tefillin, is obligated in these mitzvot. Similarly, a father should teach Torah and Kriyat Shema to his son who knows how to read. Rav Hamnuna says that teaching Torah refers to the pasuk, “תורה צוה לנו משה מורשה קהילת יעקב – The Torah that Moshe commanded is the heritage of the Congregation of Jacob.” And Kriyat Shema refers to the first pasuk of the Shema (Sukkah 42a).
The Shelah Hakadosh (I, pg. 86) states: A fundamental principle in rebuking a child, guaranteeing that he will remain on the straight path even when out of the father’s sight, is the following: Try to the best of your ability to train him in truth. Parents would do well to discuss, even in everyday conversation, the punishment for falsehood and the wonderful reward for one who always speaks the truth. They should scare their children away from lying.
In Yerushalayim, I used to host a tremendous chassid, one of the greatest of the Sephardim of the time. Had he been offered all the wealth in the world, he would never, chas v’shalom, have allowed anything but the pure truth to emerge from his mouth. He related that as a child, whenever he or his brother did anything wrong, his father would announce, “Whoever admits to his wrongdoing, I will forgive, as long as he resolves never to repeat it. But if I discover that one of you lied and repeated his wrongdoing, he will receive double punishment.” That was exactly what happened. Whoever confessed to his sin was forgiven, and even offered a gift of a few coins for owning up to the truth. But woe to the one who lied! He was punished most severely. In this manner, the man raised his children to be truthful. He would literally pay for truth with money, in line with the dictum “Buy truth.” Consequently, his son acquired a world-renowned commitment to truth.
Rabbi Shamshon Refael Hirsch (Yesodot Hachinuch I, 38) states: When you have educated your child to discipline, you have succeeded in all areas of education. Without much difficulty, you will manage to direct him properly.
He continues: The problem in many households is that we accustom the child in his first two years to listen only to his inner voice, which expresses his own needs and desires. He becomes spoiled, to the extent that he hearkens only to himself and his stubbornness. The impression of these formative years is not easily erased. A child will not suddenly negate his own interests for the sake of our aspirations: that he should behave correctly.
