Loyalty to the Significant Other
A couple once came to see me. The man remained outside while his wife entered my office. She related that she and her husband were on the brink of divorce. She wanted my advice on the matter.
I tried to understand the reason for the divorce. She explained that her husband did not treat her well. He did not give her enough money and spent most of his time outside of the house.
“Let’s say your husband improves in these matters. Would you agree to live together with him, or would you prefer leaving him?”
“I want a divorce in any event.”
I realized that there were underlying motives to her desire to divorce. Her husband’s behavior was a cover-up for the real reason.
I continued asking about their family. I inquired after their children and other things regarding their shared lives. Finally, the woman admitted that she wanted to marry another man, rachmana litzlan.
“How do you have the audacity to transgress one of the worst sins, yet demand that your husband be faithful to you?!” I rebuked her. “You are just like Lot, who wished to adhere to Avraham and his G-d, while embracing the lifestyle of the wicked people of Sodom.”
To my utter amazement, the woman saw nothing wrong with her deeds and refused to capitulate. She felt that divorce would, indeed, save the situation. She would be free from her husband to pursue the man she admired. I advised her to avoid the terrible sin of adultery by getting divorced from her husband. She was forbidden to marry the other man, and must refrain from living with him.
After she left, I remained sunk in thought. From where does such behavior originate? It is from a lack of yirat Shamayim. The taste of the forbidden fruit has become so sweet to her that she finds her marriage sour. Had she been indoctrinated in Torah and Fear of Heaven, she would have had the tools to overcome her Yetzer Hara and would never have fallen into the abyss of sin.
